God pours affection into man, thus it’s a sacred thing God puts in man during throughout his journey. The child’s eyes meet those of his mother while she embraces him, breastfeeds him, and sleeps next to him, thus forming an affection for the child towards his mother. The same applies to the father who cuddles him and brings him what he loves, so his affection for his father grows, feeling that his father and mother are the whole life. Then he grows up and joins nursery and then school, and begins to be independent from them little by little. After that he reaches adolescence his inclination begins towards the opposite sex, which is A blessing from God placed in the human heart. In sociology, they call this emotion “general heterosexuality”, meaning that it is not directed towards a specific person, but towards the opposite sex in general, and the attentive boy and girl keep this strong emotion in their hearts, so it is the most valuable thing they can offer to the future partner.
As the young lady or young man matures, the scope of general emotion gets narrow until it is concentrated in only one person in whom the young man sees that this is the right lady for him, and she the same, which is called the stage of "emotional maturity". Acceptance and admiration happen, then with prayers and with counseling, and taking the time to know the other party the connection and relationship begins. But if it happened that the young man had wasted his affection before the engagement, he would not find anything to offer the lady with whom he would one day be associated, so he would be like a young man travelling in the tram, and every two or three stops he cuts a banknote into pieces to throw it from the tram window. You see that he is a crazy person who does not appreciate the value of money, this simple example of a young man or lady who have early meaningless relationships, and this explains the reason for the quarrels and separation that may happen between the spouses after being loving each other, because there is a so-called vessel of feelings, when the heart is filled with feelings, it has Precious treasure to give to his partner, and a heart filled with that pure emotion is more valuable than all material gifts of gold and other things. The Apostle Paul recommends his disciple Timothy, who was a young man, saying: “Keep yourself pure”(1) and the same thing applies to the young man and woman who go to monasticism or consecration, where their vessel of feelings is filled towards God.
The word love in Arabic “Hob” is made up of two letters, so let's say that the "h" for “Hayat” i.e life, and the "b" for “Bakaa” i.e survival - meaning that love is the survival of life, without love there is no life. And the Bible mentioned the word love more than 250 times. And the bible book which talks about the mature love is the book of Solomon “Song of the songs”, which talks about love, displaying the sole love of Christ for the human soul.
There are five needs for every human being: biological, that is, physical, psychological, mental, social, and spiritual. Physical needs such as food, drink, clothing and housing... Psychological: such as the need for encouragement, safety, freedom, love and containment, whether from family or friends. Mental needs: through reading, traveling, learning... Social needs: Every person needs a community to which he belongs: a homeland, a school, a university, a syndicate... And finally, spiritual needs: A person needs God. In the books of psychological studies they say that it is a need for the absolute, for immortality. But what is the most important of these needs? After many studies, they said that the most important of these needs is the need for love, which is the key. When God saw man drowning in his sins, he came down to complete the redemption for all mankind, and says: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life”(2), because he knows that the key to the man’s heart is love. “God so loved the world”: for all human beings everywhere, in all ages.
Therefore, young man and woman, when you begin to establish a holy family, your affection must be perfect, mature and pure. In the holy crowning, the priest prays: “Fill their hearts with spiritual love.” There are types of love, the most famous of which are three: the love of lust, which begins and ends very quickly. The second love is “Philo” love, which is social love, and it involves love for work, place or homeland. The third type is spiritual love, which is what is meant in the litanies of the crowning, the love that is on the level of Christ’s love for the church: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless“(3) wrinkle meaning that the Church of Christ will remain young. Likewise, the spouses remain young, even if they grow old and their children grow older, but their image for each other remains youthful, and their love for each other is strong and grows stronger day by day.
Love is the art of making the other happy, and it is just with words that quickly evaporate into the air. The most important features of the art of making others happy is that there should be no selfishness. So I advise you not to marry if you are selfish, and not even to apply for dedication or monasticism, but watch out for yourself. True love is in making the other happy. However, the love of Eros, the love of philo, and the love we see on TV, is commercial love. Keep your feelings pure as long as you intend to establish a Christian holy house on the basis that “two is better than one”(4) , and that “the threefold thread is not quickly broken”(5), because the marriage bond is a triple bond; Her, him and Christ, the three together, so that Christ is the center of life. In a Christian marriage, the partner realizes that he receives his partner from the hand of Christ Himself, so their value is very precious for each other.
In the Book of song of the songs, the bridegroom says to the bride: “Show me your face, let me hear your voice”(6), so with your wife, you like to see her and hear her voice, so you exchange mutual affection. They say that a beloved face is desirable. Beware, then, of those who distort the value of the family, for the Christian family is based on: “The satisfied soul tramples on honey”(7), for the soul filled with love rejects any temptation. Begin with emotional establishment, and unite with true pure love.
And let's discuss four things that are the most valuable gifts expressing love:
1- The first gift is time: the most precious gift you can give to someone is to sit to talk with him, and it is a real need, so that when God created Adam, he said: It is not good for Adam to be alone, but I create for him a helper similar to him to talk to him(8), because he used to live with animals, so he does not exchange conversations With anyone. From his bones he created Eve, who had the same wisdom of mind as Adam to speak with him. So watch out for what steals time because it steals your life! Instead of sitting with your fiancée, wife or children every day to talk about all matters, playing or talking on your smartphone or being preoccupied with it becomes a barrier that makes a person lose focus with his family and children.
2- The second gift is the words of encouragement: the words of sharing, the words of joy, and the avoidance of hurtful words that do more harm than bullets.
3- The third gift is a form of expression of love which is gifts: not by their value or form, but by what the person likes. Simple, beautiful gifts are not evaluated by their price but as much as they carry of tender feelings.
4- And finally, the fourth gift is pleasant surprises: even if it is small, it may be a trip, a picnic... Surprises refresh life.
Therefore, through emotional union, trust is built, and trust requires honesty, clarity, appreciation and tenderness, longing for the other and preoccupation with the other.
(1) 1 Timothy 5:22. (2) John 3: 16. (3) Ephesians 5: 25-28. (4) Ecclesiastes 4:9.. (5) Ecclesiastes 4:12. (6) Song 2:14.. (7) Proverbs 27:7. (8) Genesis 2:18.