We have talked together in previous times under the title "My family is holy", and we are trying to answer the question: How do we establish a holy family?. We mentioned five basic dimensions: the intellectual or mental dimension, the emotional or heart dimension, and the spiritual or faith dimension, and today we are talking about the social or psychological dimension.
When a family is formed, they live in a community in a country in a city, and it is authenticated in the state records that both couple is married in a country, which we call “authentication.” It takes place within the church through the sacred sacrament of marriage and contract (covenant) to be signed, and it becomes the official contract.
Let’s put some basics of the social dimension:
1) Every person has an independent personality: both man and woman have different personality. Each has his own small world. Both should know that personality cannot change, but it can evolve.
2) Personality is formed through many factors: these factors differ from one person to another. There is the environment in which he grew up, education at home, whether from a small family or a large family, genetic factors that have a very important role in human life, as well as culture, life conditions and financial level of each family, the level and quality of education, the level of satisfaction of needs because abundance educates and deprivation also educates, the health status, the person’s past and present... The conclusion is that personality stands for many factors, and it is normal for the two betrothed to have differences, so the matter must be studied well.
3) The position of the fiancé or fiancée in their families: is she a precious sole daughter? Does she have male brothers? Is she the eldest of her siblings or their daughters? The same is true for men as well. A person's position in the family makes different upbringing, education, and sometimes health conditions.
When the couple starts their relationship, attention should be paid to the following:
(1) Each of them knows well the sanctity of marriage: their point of view of marriage is a sacred view. Behold, the media does not present a true or pure image of marriage. You must have a view of the sanctity of marriage, otherwise how will you build a sacred family?
(2) We believe in the law of one wife: each of you has been bound to the other for the end of your life, so the decision to marry is a dangerous decision, and you both call the other: “life partner.”
(3) The sin of adultery destroys marriage: Be extremely careful to protect yourselves from falling into this sin that destroys marriage. The couple must have chastity in the senses and thoughts, and do not allow bad words to come out of your mouths. Keep your senses pure and chaste. And a man must have a respectful view of women, showing this in his behavior and actions, and chastity gives you even to have a sacred look about sexual relation.
(4) Tight attachment to the church: The courses run by the church give you a chance to be connected to the church constantly. Stay away from apathy, encourage each other to attend liturgy and meetings, as each of you is a guard for the other. One of the very important things in a period is the relationship of the couple to the Bible, as the Bible is what builds us, and one of the most beautiful exercises for all the engaged ones is to read the Book of Proverbs together to learn from it how to deal with life and what life is.
(5) Staying away from the consuming attitude: stay away from waste and miserliness, as the middle economic way is the balanced one. Be moderate. And do not get relation with a lazy person, because slackness does not catch a game(1). Do not derive the principles and values of a happy family from the media and drama. Take care that the media will shape your awareness. Beware the concepts of witchcraft and resorting to the works of Satan, but hold fast to God. Stay away from addiction in all its forms; do not take small bad matters simply. Remember the saying of the Bible: “One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.”(2) Be aware that addiction is one of the reasons for annulment of marriage if it is proven that one of the fiancés was addicted before marriage.
There is also a list of issues that you should consider in social aspects:
A- The important dates for your partner and paying great attention to the time that they spend with each other.
B – Money; management is sweet, be moderate in everything, and beware of miserliness.
C- Appearance that is appropriate in society, and is appropriate for the other partner. Be respectful in your clothes.
D- Work; don’t let work conversations take up all your time.
e- Sharing between the two betrothed, even if it is a simple thing that makes each of them go out of his selfishness.
F- Calls should be respectful, in which they exchange love and kind words.
G- Photos; how easy to take photos now, be careful that they are respectful, and I advise you sincere advice: do not publish your photos while you are engaged on social media. What's the point of posting it? There are also people who manipulate them.
H - Be careful in compliments, and let the compliment be sane and with the participation of the both of you.
I- Set good and respectful boundaries between both of you.
J - In visits; your hearts should open towards the other's family, and do what pleases one another.
K- Friendship strengthens every relationship, and both betrothed must be friends. Friendship is the pinnacle of informal human relationships (humans have two types of relationships: an informal relationship and a formal relationship written on paper). Friendship and marriage are the same; the difference is that friendship does not have a sexual dimension. If you are friends and remain friends for your whole life, your marriage will be successful. In the courtship period, work hard to strengthen the friendship between you.
May God protect you and strengthen you to have holy families, and to our God all glory and honor from now on and forever, Amen.
(1) Proverbs 12: 27.
(2) Proverbs 27: 7.