We talked about specific steps for establishing the Holy Family, and we agreed that marriage and preparation for marriage begin with five important steps: intellectual union, emotional union, spiritual union, social union, and finally completed with physical union.
The verse: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and is united to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh,” was mentioned four times in the Holy Books: in the Book of Genesis, in the Gospel of Matthew, the Gospel of Mark, and in the Epistle of Ephesians. Number four in the Bible is the number of comprehensiveness, as if the verse addresses every holy family anywhere in the world and at any time.
When God created Adam he said an important phrase “It is not good for Adam to be alone,” He did not say that it is not good for Adam to work alone, for that when man and woman are united in the sacrament of marriage, they are one body. God allowed the sacrament of marriage and this connection between the man and the woman through a sacred sacrament in order for the human life to be in purity. The man is the head of the woman, as our teacher Paul the Apostle taught us that this also means that the woman is the heart of the family, we cannot separate the head and the mind from the heart, but the two work together, Eve and Adam are on one degree of equality before God, and in Christ there is neither male nor female.
St. John Chrysostom saw a father crying at his daughter’s marriage because she would leave him, so he said to him a very nice phrase: “The daughter will be complete with marriage,” meaning that when she marries and lives with her husband, the two become one body, as the book says.
*Let's consider these three stages:
(1) Leave: To leave means to mature, that a person is able to live and take care of his expenses. A mature human being intellectually, mentally, socially and physically, we call it in simple language "weaning". Therefore, one of the weaknesses that we see in the personal status councils is that it is said: “So-and-so is the son of his mother.” He grew up, worked, and earns an income, but he is still in a relationship with the large family and has not yet been weaned.
(2) Adhesion: that is, the formation of one body, a body that we do not see with our eyes because they are two. Union means responsibility. The husband leaves his father and mother and unites to his wife, and the Church says to the wife: “Forget your people and your father’s house,” meaning that your belonging to your husband has become a sign of maturity. Forget about your people.” It does not mean denial of the beautiful parents, nor a repudiation of our responsibilities towards our large families, because the commandment says, “Honor your father and your mother,” but “forget” here in the new situation in which you have become, and know that you have a new affiliation.
(3) Union: Leaving leads to adhesion, and adhesion leads to union, the union that the book expresses and says: “The two shall be one body,” meaning one marital entity, and this marital entity lives in three words: respect - need - containment, these three words are The secret of the happiness of the marital entity: the respect between the two, the need for each one of them needs the other physically, psychologically, socially and intellectually, then containment how each individual contains the other, and since Adam was created first, he must contain it to a greater degree because Eve was a part of it.
The union takes place on the intellectual, emotional, spiritual and social level, and all of this begins in the courtship period and continues in the life of the new family throughout life, and all of this is crowned with a physical union.
We want a man to enjoy masculinity and a woman to be feminine. Masculinity is not in muscles, nor loud voice, nor violence, nor condescension. Manhood is paternity (preparation for becoming a father), courage and protection, and also seriousness. Even the commandment says: “Be men.” Motherhood (even before she gives birth), and joy, because the wife is the cause of joy in the home, and also tenderness in dealing.
]* What is God's purpose of marriage?
]Every marriage is an emulation of the first family:
]There are many sins spreading in the world today, such as homosexuality and same-sex marriage, and this is a sin of the first degree, no matter how much the world tries to embellish and encourage it.
]There is only one form of the family: only a man and a woman, and there is no other form. This is how God made the family, and every marriage is an emulation of the first family, the family of Adam and Eve. It is through the sacrament and through the formation of the new family that the sexual life of the whole world is regulated. The genitals we call them the organs of life. Every organ in your body serves you, except for the organs of life or the genitals that God placed in order to serve all humanity, for the mandate that God said to man: “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” The world invents many justifications for homosexuality, some say genes, or sickness, others say education...But homosexuality is a choice and not formation. A person chooses willingly to walk that path, and it is a sinful path. You need treatment." I remember that his holiness Pope Shenouda III, when he was asked in this regard, said: “If it is a sin so it needs repentance, and if it is a disease then it needs treatment.”
* Why did God create gender?
a) God created gender in man, because God out of His love wants Him to share in the creation of a new human being. God loves that man participate with him in work, as he asked the servants to fill the pots with water in the miracle of the wedding in Cana of Galilee, and as he asked the Jews to remove the stone from the tomb of Lazarus before he raised him. God wants man to share with him the most subtle and special of the peculiarities, which is the creation of a new person in the world, so he made the mystery of marriage regulating this work by the union of one man with one woman.
b) Sexual relation is the most precious expression of love, because the man gives himself to the woman and she is the same, each of them presents himself to the other, and this is the art of making the other happy, each of them mastering how to make the other happy. The intellectual, emotional, spiritual and social union is crowned and completed by the physical union, and it is assumed that this relationship is not known to any person, no matter how close he is to the two parties, and neither of them justifies talking to anyone about this relationship, which we call the sanctuary of human relationships, and it is only in marriage.
c) Sexual relation achieves the concept of adhesion and unity, which is a sacred and joyful unity, and there is nothing in it of defilement. The book says: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”(1)
If there is an intellectual, emotional, spiritual, then social union, the physical union will be enjoyable, satisfying, satisfying and give strength to both parties. But if one aspect was gone, then physical union turns into a mechanical action without any meaning and without any cheering results to both of them and not fulfillng what Christ meant by marriage.
The special sexual relationship between spouses is an entity relationship, not an abusive relationship, while the sin of adultery is an abusive one, in which there is no love, respect, containment, or real need, but each party consumes the other.
Sex is a sacred and pure matter, and it is the energy of love, and it is not made by the devil, nor is it something ugly, nor is it human weakness, but God placed it in man for an important purpose. As for those who have sex before marriage, they are like those who eat a fruit before it is ripe. Having sex outside of marriage or before marriage distorts a person's life. Keep yourself pure, do not underestimate small sins, pay attention and keep your souls pure. Wrong relationships, premarital relationships, or postmarital relationships outside of marriage are sinful and considered a great sin.
Marriage is a sacred sacrament, it is the pinnacle of human relations, it is the icon of the Church, and it is also the factory of saints. Marriage in the Christian concept is honorable, one husband to one wife, and in the Holy Bible it says: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”(2) The word “fullfill” means that each of the spouses has a debt to the other, and here appears the most beautiful picture of the special relationship between a man and a woman in marriage, he became for her and she became for him; Even abstaining from this union or this special relationship, the book says with great accuracy that it is by consent (1 Corinthians 7:5), the two parties must agree to abstain from the relationship, whether to devote themselves to prayer, sacraments or spiritual life. St. John Chrysostom has a very serious statement, addressing the wife The one who abstained from a private relationship with her husband, and says: “If the wife abstains without the will of her husband, what is the benefit of fasting that she practices as long as love is broken!!”.
The conclusion is that for the physical union to succeed, bear fruit, satisfy and rejoices the couple, it is in three words: Respect between the two parties, Containment between them, and Need of the one for the other.
(1) Hebrew 13:4. (2) 1 Corinthians 7:3.