* How could you reach Successful dialogue at home?
Dialogue is not just words. Verbal dialogue is with words; however dialogue can be with all parts of human body. Verbal dialogue constitutes 40% of the dialogue, but it is accomplished by other body parts such as the eye, facial expressions, and hand movements. Such basics are being taught in the sciences of journalism, rhetoric and sociology. When Jesus met the Samaritan woman, he encouraged her disregarding her sinful life. And as a result of the Lord Christ’s dialogue with the Samaritan woman, he gained the whole city.
Dialogue is not a battle that we enter until we quarrel, or for one party to prove that he is right and the other is wrong. Dialogue is an art that has regulations and rules, a bit of science, a bit of philosophy, and a bit of wisdom. Dialogue expresses thinking, and assessment of the situation. After the Second World War, ended in 1945 in which millions died, the world began to realize that dialogue and negotiation are better than fighting. Hence, a new formulation of human relations was set up, for example, they started negotiations instead of war, and in education instead of lecture (one person speaks and the rest listen) they called it seminar (mutual conversations), in the fields of economy, dialogue is established through advertisements, and the world has become full of talk shows.
Dialogue is a decision and a continuation, not a quarrel, a decision to accept the other party, on an ongoing basis, that does not involve any kind of quarrel. Dialogue requires an awake soul and a conscious mind that understands and discusses according to the size of the topic.
There are five basics that encourage good dialogue:
(1) Listening:
In dialogue you must listen while the other is talking, listening means good listening, and trying to understand the other, put yourself in the other's place. Listening is to pay full attention to the other party.
There is also optional listening, which we often see when talking to our teenage boys, where the boy or girl hears only what they want.
Unfortunately, there are people who do not feel speech, do not react to it, or are not affected by it. They does not focus on the dialogue, while there are those who listen with all ears, an emotional person who listens and is interested, no matter how trivial the topic is.
I told you once, that continuous conversations between spouses, forms a special language and a dictionary of words for them, and whenever this dictionary contains words of love, the speech is sweet, and one longs to talk to the other, no matter how simple or frequent the subject is.
But remember that men in general have few words, spending a long time not talking. On the other hand, speech gives the woman pleasure as if she achieves herself through speech, and we note that the little girl speaks before the boy, as for the girl, speech brings her pleasure, and she likes to speak extensively. The wife should respect the pithiness of her husbands’ words.
(2) Frankness:
We ran a test between a group of young people and their parents, and we asked one of the mothers: What is the most successful marriage?. She said: To be honest. Frankness builds trust, and whenever there is frankness in the home, the home is strong. Therefore, the dialogue at home must be an open one, in which there is openness, and discussion without imposing an opinion, but the most important thing is frankness without the slightest insult. Honesty is wisdom, and disclosure is without any defamation.
(3) Using sweet words:
Using kind words in the dialogue. The commandment of the Bible says: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God also forgave you in Christ” (1). The mistake is probable from either of the spouses. Using words like “Amen”, “please”, “thank you”, “may God bless you for us”, “you are our joy”... Kind words flow to the soul, and have an effect like the effect of water for new planting, meaning that they refresh feelings and help in achieving successful dialogue.
(4) Showing love and respect for the others:
The third chapter of the epistle of our teacher James the Apostle talks about controlling the tongue. Most of the problems - if not all - are caused by the lack of speech (tongue) control. The tongue, throat, and speech are what distinguish the human being from other creatures. “With it we bless God the Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the likeness of God” (2). What a very difficult equation! Respecting the feelings of the other is the highest noble human feeling. Choosing the appropriate words not to hurt the other, and listening well, are one of the means of respecting the feelings of the other.
Spouses must show their love for each other, respect each other, and be the cause of each other's success. Showing love with all the sweet feelings adds pleasure to life. A nice word mentioned in a special situation between each other, gives a feeling that this party supporting the other, and wants to make him happy.
(5) Time:
What we are suffering these days is the social media devices that kill time. Do not let sitting in front of the TV, the Internet, or the mobile steal your time. The most valuable thing you give to one another is time. A time when you two do not get busy with anything. “See how carefully you walk, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time because the days are evil” (3). Notice how precision is associated with wisdom. The most beautiful use of time is being together, as the happiness is of being together.
* So what makes dialogue fruitless?
(1) Silence:
One side speaks and the other is silent, either ignoring the other, or being withdrawn, or pretending to be angry, or showing his indifference to words... All these negativities waste the dialogue. “In your anger do not sin, Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”(4).
(2) Chattering:
That a person moves, from one topic to another. There is confusion, absence of logic, absence of clarity and absence of seriousness. In order for the dialogue to succeed, the dialogue must be specific: we will only talk about so and so.
(3) Tears:
Tears interrupt the dialogue, and take it out of rationality. Sometimes a woman uses tears as a means of pressure on her husband. Tears completely lose the meaning of dialogue.
(4) Anger:
Fire does not extinguish fire, but water extinguishes fire. Anger is like fire, if one spouse becomes angry, the other must be like water. Anger appears in a loud voice, harsh criticism, insult...Anger interrupts the dialogue.
(5) Lack of time
Television may steal time. Exhausting work may steal time between spouses.
Finally, Husbands and wives pay attention to each other, because this is the vocabulary of successful dialogue. Let verbal communication be one of basics of your life. I advise you to read the third chapter of the epistle of our teacher James to know the value of speech.
(1) Ephesians 4:32. (2)James 3:9. (3) Ephesians 5: 15-16. (4) Ephesians 4: 26.
